Moments In Love

Cherish moments you have with a special someone, because even when things come to an end and you each decide to walk different paths, those experiences, those wonderful moments will forever remain. 

It's very saddening when you love someone who does not reciprocate your feelings. Those feelings cannot be made, they cannot be forced. Vice versa you can't hide your feelings of longing and love. Whether you would like to or not, they show within your actions, within those small expressions of yours. We often times don't even notice ourselves. Sometimes they don't even have to speak those words, all you have to do is look into their eyes. Our eyes the windows to our hearts and souls. They reveal our true feelings and intentions. They say more than we want. They reveal our naked truths. 

Even though I knew it had ended before it even started, I still felt so hurt. I longed for her for a very long time. When it finally happened I accepted it. Even when those feelings I once held, had long since faded. I felt hurt, that in the end she felt nothing for me. She herself denied her own feelings. She betrayed her emotions. She refused to believe she felt something for him. She would never have ended it, if it weren't for me. I knew I had to let go. So I did. 

How Do You Define Living?

What does it mean to live? What does it mean to live your life? There is no right or wrong answer. We all live differently, experience, learn, and understand in our own unique way.

Caught Inbetween

Things seemed so easy and painless. In the end, I couldn't run away from what I didn't want to be. It overwhelmed me, darkened my heart and my mind. I let it consume me and turn me to what I most hated in others. 

Unable to sleep or stay awake, in between, caught in a limbo. I just want to break free. Down in hell or up in heaven, caught in between. My color is neither black nor white could it be gray?

People are fragile things I learned that long ago yet I speak with such cruel words. Maybe because the truth is cruel.

Alter Ego

As I stood there mouth opening and closing, words coming out one by one just not the words I wanted to speak. Mean while chaos had broken out in my mind. A war had started. This civil war within my head, feels like an eternity. Contradictions, disagreements, unspoken words, all raging up in my head. Up and down they go, running in this labyrinth called my mind. Who am I? I am you, and you are me. We are, but two within these walls.


It started 3 years ago. I'm aware why it emerged, and what caused it. What I wrote above pretty much describes what I feel when faced with certain situations.  is the heartless, part of me. We are the polar opposites. What I sometimes fear is how heartless she can be. It is also my defense mechanism. There came a time in my life when I was afraid of the cold hearted person I was becoming. I had turned into someone who had forgotten and left behind their values, their beliefs, what they once stood up for, and strived for. My friends noticed that I was no longer the kind person they had once met and brought them together. I had become a stranger to them, and to myself. I realized this when I saw her eyes, her eyes told me everything that she could not say. Those eyes were not looking at me, but a stranger within me. That is when I made the decision to separate both parts of me. The one who I used to be and the one who I had become. Truthfully it took me a year to get the other part of me back, it proved very difficult.

Running From Reality

Sometimes we go into our imaginary worlds. We corrupt ourselves wishing to escape reality, our family, friends, rejecting our own life. Turning our backs...

Escaping Loneliness

Loneliness, so many people out there fear it like it's a disease that can kill you. They wander day and night avoiding it. Running away, seeking reassurance. They may not notice it themselves. Part of their hearts wishing to love and be loved. "Why?" I ask myself. "Why don't I feel what they feel?".

Fading

Do you ever feel that sadness in your heart? This aching deep fear? As if everything you are, everything that makes you, you, is sinking into this never ending darkness. Slowly disappearing into nothingness. Your senses slowly fading, your mind losing control, going numb and desolate.


In my hand I hold this light. A light so soft, so bright, so warm and kind, a light that can no longer be restored to it's original form. It can only be grasped in my hands. Can only be sensed with touch, looked upon with sad eyes at it's beauty. Sad eyes that know it can no longer be felt from within.